No Direction
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See Kevin interviewed by Teen TV News: Videogame Addiction interview
Every night as I slowly fall off to sleep, dreams fill my head about the life I want. I think of books I plan to write, ideas to expand my business, and projects I see myself bringing to fruition. I imagine a reality television show, and hosting my own radio show. When I wake up, the vision of these grand notions unfortunately diminishes. Disoriented, I often engage in a variety of distracting, unproductive pursuits: Facebook clicking, email-inbox checking, reading blogs, etc. As I sit here right now, I imagine what I need is a slave driver, someone to stand behind me, ready to intervene the second my attention veers off track.
Yes, I have had two books published, three books in process, and do have some interest from a publisher in doing an updated version of Cyber Junkie. I have amassed numerous accomplishments. But deep down, I feel I am capable of so much more. I say this not out of insecurity. Rather, this feeling pulsates from my core, a nagging restlessness that longs for adventure. While a Zen master might say that I need to learn to be with “the nothingness,” I believe that I am neurologically wired for adventure, and enjoy the most inner peace inside when I am fully engaged outside. I do meditate, every day, but I also long to give my gifts fully to the world.
Today, I live at the nexus between having a comfortable life that I have worked hard to build, and a growing inner dissonance that tells me the next adventure is close at hand. I suppose the way ADHD shows up is that my attention gets drawn to time-wasting activities. Some of these actually have some use. Earlier today, for example, I was possessed by the urgent necessity of buying a new recycling bin. I went to Lowe’s first thing in the morning, and then when I did not find what I was looking for, continued the “quest” online. With better executive functioning, I would plan to get several things at Lowe’s at the same time, and thus maximize the trip. I would prioritize, concentrating on the things that offered me the most benefit.
In writing this today, I am following a piece of my own advice: open up to others. I have also been talking to a few friends this morning about my inability to prioritize today, which follows another piece of my advice: reach out for support. Finally, I am going to follow my advice to exercise my way through the problem. I will report back on how I am doing after I get back from my walk.
I will be posting comments throughout my day, to update you on how my day is progressing. Please leave your own comments and check in on your day as well.