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No Direction

See Kevin interviewed by Teen TV News:  Videogame Addiction interview

Every night as I slowly fall off to sleep, dreams fill my head about the life I want.  I think of books I plan to write, ideas to expand my business, and projects I see myself bringing to fruition.  I imagine a reality television show, and hosting my own radio show.  When I wake up, the vision of these grand notions unfortunately diminishes.  Disoriented, I often engage in a variety of distracting, unproductive pursuits:  Facebook clicking, email-inbox checking, reading blogs, etc.  As I sit here right now, I imagine what I need is a slave driver, someone to stand behind me, ready to intervene the second my attention veers off track.

Yes, I have had two books published, three books in process, and do have some interest from a publisher in doing an updated version of Cyber Junkie.  I have amassed numerous accomplishments.  But deep down, I feel I am capable of so much more.  I say this not out of insecurity.  Rather, this feeling pulsates from my core, a nagging restlessness that longs for adventure.  While a Zen master might say that I need to learn to be with “the nothingness,” I believe that I am neurologically wired for adventure, and enjoy the most inner peace inside when I am fully engaged outside.  I do meditate, every day, but I also long to give my gifts fully to the world.

Today, I live at the nexus between having a comfortable life that I have worked hard to build, and a growing inner dissonance that tells me the next adventure is close at hand.   I suppose the way ADHD shows up is that my attention gets drawn to time-wasting activities.  Some of these actually have some use.  Earlier today, for example, I was possessed by the urgent necessity of buying a new recycling bin.  I went to Lowe’s first thing in the morning, and then when I did not find what I was looking for, continued the “quest” online.  With better executive functioning, I would plan to get several things at Lowe’s at the same time, and thus maximize the trip.  I would prioritize, concentrating on the things that offered me the most benefit.

In writing this today, I am following a piece of my own advice: open up to others.   I have also been talking to a few friends this morning about my inability to prioritize today, which follows another piece of my advice: reach out for support.  Finally, I am going to follow my advice to exercise my way through the problem.  I will report back on how I am doing after I get back from my walk.

I will be posting comments throughout my day, to update you on how my day is progressing. Please leave your own comments and check in on your day as well.

11 Responses to “No Direction”

  1. Monika says:

    Heya! I’m at work surfing around your blog from my new iphone 3gs!
    Just wanted to say I love reading your blog and look forward to all
    your posts! Keep up the outstanding work!

  2. K-e-v-i-n. that is how you spell genius.

  3. Hello my good sir. I hope that you get better and I will see you soon.

  4. Donovan says:

    Kevin why are u so cool?

  5. Little Sue says:

    YOU make me listen. Since the ADHD conf at lpool, I’ve real ed that when others speak to me I’m bored bored bored. We spoke once, it clicked, I listened. I have prioritised something for me and there it was, staring me in the face, literally…. YOU.
    Thank you, love you loads for your help
    Little Sue

    • Kevin says:

      Sue, and people give me compliments, but receiving this one from you pierced through and made its way deep inside me. So it seems you have the same gift I do. :-) Please stay in touch. And please let me know your thoughts once you read my book. You can use the contact form on my website to contact me directly. And by the way, I know exactly who you are! My thought are with you as you take these next steps on your journey!!!!

  6. Kevin says:

    My assistant, Will, wants to go buy pumpkin seeds, and wants me to go with him. He is extolling the health benefits. This feels urgent right in this moment, but I am going to stay on task.

  7. Kevin says:

    OK, I went for a walk, made a very healthy lunch, and am now working on the reality show, and have written some notes on my book project. I feel productive, and have a sense of direction, at least for now.

  8. Reg says:

    Hi Kevin!
    You are exactly where you need to be – out walking! That alone will help wake up your “Conductor” and get you moving into a productive day! I, too, have envisioned a radio show. People call in and talk about their “sticking points” and I coach them through – on their way to work, before a big meeting, preparing for a job interview – whatever the situation! Let’s collaborate! You definitely have the voice for radio…not to mention the talent, ideas, experience, and positivity! BIG HUGS!

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